It's
tough to find a Mrs Kramer in real life. Or so many Indian fathers, who
want primary custody of their minor child, would say. These dads
contest the general view that mothers are best suited for the
caregiver's role, and want the law to be open about the fact that in
many cases the father may be a better custodian. "A man can also multitask between domestic work, business and taking care of the family,"
says Bangalore-based stockbroker Kumar Jahgirdar, who has been fighting
for primary custody of his 13-year-old daughter for almost nine years
now. "Giving a father visitation rights, like spending one hour a week
in the park or meeting
the child in the mother's presence, are not fair," he adds. While such
views have already formed support groups of fathers on the Internet,
Jahgirdar has gone a step ahead. Last month, he founded Child Rights
Initiative for Shared Parenting (CRISP), an organisation that aims to
"fight for a child's right to have access to both parents". Over 200
fathers are already said to have joined him. Jahgirdar's
initiative may strike a chord among many divorced fathers in India.
"The courts are much more in favour of the mother," says Supreme Court
lawyer Geeta Luthra. "But you cannot negate the father's role
completely, especially in cases where the mother has gone abroad, or
there are psychological reasons to be considered." The gender of the
child is also often held significant by the court in granting custody
of a female child to the mother. "But a girl child is safer with her
father and a stepmother than with her mother and a stepfather," says
Naveen (surname withheld on request), who counts himself "more
fortunate than most". Naveen, who has had full custody of his
13-year-old daughter for three years now, believes his is a rare case.
"I don't know any other single divorced father, whereas I know of many
single mothers," he says. Men
like him feel that since mothers too are working outside home now, they
aren't any closer to their children than fathers. "Ultimately, the most
important thing is that both parents should be able to spend equal
quality time with the child," says Jahgirdar, who, after reaching the
Supreme Court twice, now gets to spend 110 days a year with his
daughter, including weekends and vacations. The court denied him
custody because there was no female member in his house. But now that
Jahgirdar has got remarried, he has filed a fresh application. "Chetana
(his ex-wife) has two small children from her second marriage, whereas
we don't have any so far," he says. But isn't such a prolonged court
battle unfair to the child? Jahgirdar maintains that his daughter has
always taken a neutral stand. "She can't decide between her two eyes,
no?" That's probably the
most unpleasant part of the whole affair. "If the child can decide,
there is no need for the judge," says Jahgirdar. But then few cases can
get as murky as a custody battle. "Sometimes, when the bickering gets
too nasty, you have to bring in the child," admits Mehak Sethi, senior
legal officer with Lawyers Collective, while conceding that it's a
tough step to take. Suffering parents, however, get almost vitriolic on
the question of asking a child to choose between the two. "Does the
judiciary realise that its prime goal is to rule keeping in mind the
welfare of the child and that children are not always the best judge of
their welfare, especially minors and alienated children?" says an entry
in the blog of a father fighting for his children's custody. The
child's happiness should indeed be the focus of all parties concerned.
But embittered fathers feel that pro-women laws often blur the fact
that the child may be better off with them. "Is there a ministry
entirely for children?" asks Jahgirdar. "There is a ministry of women
and child development. The focus should be on the child's welfare, and
sometimes children can be nurtured outside a woman's shadow too."
Joint/share
Child custedy should be the LAW , irrespective of any situaion.Stop
treating the Fathers just like a Free ATM machine. Stop creation of
Father less child. It had been wittness through various study establish
the fact behond resonable dought that a Father less child is abused
mentally, sexually, finacially at least more than 10 times than the
child under fathers custedy. A girl child forced to go for prostituions
15 times more and boy child forced for child labour more than 15 times
than a child under father custedy. Need for seperation of Present
Women and child Minsitry and formations of Child wellfare ministry , as
presently the well fare of the child had been neglected in the name of
selfhish women well fare. Women well fare and Child well fare are not
the same.
For Further Reference: Disclimer :This is totally writer personnel Views only. You may have different opinion. The name and place changed to protect the Persons Identity.
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