One more Step towards Women Liberation

'Working' towards a divorce?

Ushma Sanghani

[ Tuesday, August 09, 2005 10:48:02 pmTIMES NEWS NETWORK ]

A recent study reveals that women are opting for divorce if they feel they are in an untenable situation. And they are happier with the decision. Hyderabad Times finds out more...

Divorce is a painful and unhappy experience for both parties involved. That said, it is also true that where in the past the majority of women would bear it, today they are asserting themselves. It is, therefore, not surprising that a recent survey conducted by European Sociological Review has found it's the working women who have a higher chance of divorce than homemakers. Having fought at workplace for survival, growth and identity, isn't it natural that these women have higher expectations from both their partners and themselves?

Psychiatrist Shakila Naidu throws some light on the trend. "Financial independence is the biggest difference between the two groups of women. Financial dependence has been linked to submissive attitudes. Also, there was a certain amount of social stigma attached to those who rightfully asked to be acknowledged as individuals. Nowadays, the girl's family encourages her to end a meaningless or painful relationship, as a support system is already in place," she explains.

However, some argue that since the working-woman is on a financially sound footing and is more confident and satisfied – professionally – shouldn't they be more understanding about various life situations? Says Shakila Naidu, "Sometimes, the contrast between the woman's smooth professional life and compromiseridden personal life is too much. This leads to a sense of dissonance, which dissipates only once things get resolved either ways. There is a sense of loss but for this woman any compromise on the personal front would be anathema."

Marriage counsellor Kamlakar validates the findings of the study saying, "Most couples who come for marriage counselling are working couples." He feels that men, too, find themselves in a dilemma. "In keeping with the times, men want a smart working wife. On the other hand, the innate archetype is still alive and they also desire to be revered and waited upon by their wives." The best way to deal with the scenario, according to Kamlakar, is to try and figure out the expectations of both parties and be comfortable with each other before tying the knot.

In the 'honeymoon' period, couples tend to camouflage any feeling of unease or discomfort with one another. But soon, the rose-tinted glasses come off, and reality bites as the couple starts to fight over money and property. Does that mean the working-woman is materialistic? Another recent study suggests that post divorce, 18 per cent of men are unhappy but only 14 per cent of divorced women feel the same. Says Kamlakar, putting things into perspective, "It probably means that women are emotionally stronger. While working-women get over their feelings of dependence, men, owing to years of 'returning home to hearth and wife,' find it difficult to break clichιs. As a result, even post divorce it's the men who find it harder to adjust."

Shakila feels that parents are increasingly encouraging their daughters to challenge stereotypes and take up different roles and occupations. "Independence training starts young," she says.

Milind Gokhale, an advocate, feels the law needs to change with times, "Most of the laws were suited to the era they were framed in. But today women have become smarter and are misusing the law against men. A woman can file a case of harassment against a man and action is taken immediately."

So, while alimony issues are still prickly with men claiming that women get away with a preferential treatment be it in terms of law enforcement or alimony, women are justifying the trend as both liberating and long overdue.
hyderabadtimes@indiatimes.com

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1196112.cms