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10 WordsDense thickets of thoughts that are rugged and tough and disclaim not leaving our feeble mind however deep seated we might appear to be.Self-indulgence and self-pity are not the same as self-control and self-confidence, people often mistake these for each other of course everyone would know the literal meaning of it.
Like an over emotional thespian actors some try to dissipate their feelings to the rest of the horde who may oversight them for being so clear in their thoughts and articulate about themselves. And one wishes one could pour out their bucketized emotions equally. Little do they grasp that one is not always articulate because one wants to be noteworthy and significant in someone’s judgment but all that one needs is to be heard and that is the only reason one tries to be verbose. One amortizes and settles up by rambling…tries to yank and allure attention on the whole. What about the people who appear to be unruffled, have local and restricted ruminations and are uncommunicative and do not logon to unwrapping their positions?
Are they not at par with the verbose group and need equivalent or even more heart to be listened to or is it the difference between a perfect demonstration of self-control and self-pity or is it something to do with introspection versus retrospection and one group gets deemed as immature while the other mature or has one suspended and given up the battle of life while the other still strives to win the defeat of the past? Think about it! (I pined to write something desperately and dreadfully to unleash my thoughts but they are so cluttered and chaotic so much so that I could not think of any matter to write let pass the focus part of it! And then something clicked-clacked. I managed to put across an array of words randomly and tried to make a thought out of it. Have you come across anyone as zany and avid as me :) Articulate-yank-bucket-significant-thespian-dissipate-thicket-local-amortization-logon Now that I had restricted my thoughts to these 10 words, I ensued hovering around them) 12:07 PM - Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentMissing PulseHey unknown! You can never be my soul for the pure reason that it has disappeared in the woods of secrecy. You can never reside in my mind because my retention power is pitiable nor can you dwell in my heart since it scarcely skips a beat. My palms read the stories of my life and I can never let you comprehend it as you’ll have yours to fathom. The wind is at a standstill and my hair cannot waft the cords of chronicle. My eyes deep and brown are not the windows to my mind; they bare a lot but cannot hold your gape. My lips can just hush the untold riddles with a smile. My ears can effortlessly hear the unspoken words which I may never own up and yet I don’t want to hear them from your mind. Yet I harvest the smiles, laughs, good days, happiness and delight with you my unknown. Grasp my wrist while you follow my footprints before the waves clear them all. Give way and be my missing pulse till time without end.
4:58 AM - Saturday, May 27, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentChaseTimes gone by and there is more than desired remnant of unmatched scores of the past for this child. Definition of G’s past: Extreme despises, abusive language, off-putting opinions, contrasting thoughts, spitefulness illustrations which made no inference to her little mind. And G was raised and grew out of it…growth is natural, right? G has been titled today as a brave and spirited person by the spectators of the past- for the lone reason being G’s defenselessness to confront and endure upon the past…and these spectators are a prevalent and prevailing part of the times gone by. G could at times (not always) pin point one individual amongst the spectators who may have contributed almost all or a little or may have distant from the frame of G’s past. Each of them had played a role; some uncharacterized and callous and a few (these bunch can be counted on a single hand) played the so called normal and sympathetic role which made G (aged 5-8 years) comprehend the ghastly play G was starring in. Daring, courageous, brave- all nice strong words to show the world that one has faced a lot and has come out of it all. Forgive and forget and go on…don’t drool in the past …everything happens for the best….does one needs to go through adversities and hardships of the heart, soul, mind and the body to rise from the vestiges to be idolized as Brave. Brave for whom and for what if you are not what you were ought to be?
4:54 PM - Saturday, May 20, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentAuto aweMy friend was adamant that if I wished to inscribe something sketchily and haphazardly and yet accomplish to get the single mindedness amongst the eventual readers firstly due to the life-size influence it had on any commuter without a vehicle of ones own specially if one resided in Hyderabad and secondly because there is no dearth to ones own acquaintance to uncover the anonymity yet sameness of this genre! It would be unjust to say that only commuters without a vehicle experience them. Let me not acquit the other cast line that too will contribute to this with their experience. Commencing with ‘ hero hiralal’ who manages to fix an array of pictures of all his bollywood and tollywood dream girls, so what if they are strong competitors amongst themselves, when it comes to his vastly brilliant-decorative flying carpet everyone stands an equal within the remix numbers toting up to its vibrancy and defiant stare….pity Catherine Zita Jones and Sharon Stone are not that lucky enough to be even considered but for the physique conscious ones Arnold Schwarzenegger may stand a possibility. And then you have the ones who think they own a Mercedes Benz so what if it is spelled erroneously as ‘M-E-R-C-E-R-D-E-Z B-E-N-C-H” on the rear end. I have seen it all and yet there is so much to see. They are nothing less than an epitome of impulsive disorderliness when it comes to missing stop signs. And one gets victimized in both ways either as a passenger or as a pedestrian. The irony is that there is overabundance and nonetheless you never get one when you really need them. Even if you are fluky enough to see one parked beneath the juvenile twigs near a tea stall with the possessor snoozing in the torrid heat with a Telegu newspaper and you heave a sigh of relieve only to transform it in a grumble subsequent to the nodding that he is not fascinated to take that route. So it is as good as his community going on a walkout! (this will always be continued…) 6:05 AM - Friday, April 28, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentPost RevelationWhoa! A promotion? Lucky you! You deserved it! Finally! While this was professed about even before I could sink into the appointment, I was foreboding whether this was acceptance of my strive to work better or was it just a hierarchical budge since someone else above me wanted to move ahead? Factual: the only rationale why I uttered about the dire straits my work world was in was since I did not want to hide myself nor wanted the pecking order to hide from view. Unbelievable, it was not the troubles and tribulations, which were embarked upon but a designation was splashed on a sparkled letter head. Was I geared up for it? Did I voice my faith and thoughts to get a glossy letterhead? To me it was not eliminating the problem but dumping the dilemma … (This time) I sit back and behold my sentiments and find myself unable to muddle through the time dishonored work ethics. The problems still persists…and this time why am I not articulating my outlook again…is it because I have, by now, reached the apex of the pecking order or am I too insecure about the term. Both the views are disturbing and distressing- I am not going to mull over the authenticity of my views. The only thing that is reassuring is that I will never ever surrender as I am convinced about the things I want to see… and I want to be that alter. 6:03 AM - Friday, April 28, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentwhile in classUtterly true in a work set-up of which I am a product of- a day is indeed 3Bs( Big, Beautiful, Bright and has a lot to offer only if one gets up early! Criterion: provided one sleeps on time! To me laziness and lassitude are like my unwanted aunts, which refuse to stop influencing my mother so what if they had seen me only at birth! So though I am unwilling to accept them they just don’t disappear and are awfully a part of my living. The intensity of my dislike is strong to both- such relatives and to laziness. What is catastrophic is that I restrain thinking about them both and unexpectedly and rapidly, I find them both growing and mounting like weeds! Reflection: or are the 2Ls more like my imaginary foes in my whimsy world, which always apprise and acquaint me through my thinking clouds that it is okay to extend my siesta, or it is okay to commence my exercise regime the first of the next month, every month. (yes! the one premeditated as a part of the New Year resolution this year or was it the last year?) or it is okay to recoil your weekend plans with your friends cause that is the only time you can respite 12:48 PM - Saturday, April 22, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentThe mannequin and her bouillabaisseSeems like an alluring topic…well that makes the two of us, who follows this text. I guess it’s only the caption that maintains my fingers grounded on the keyboard gesturing my dormant brain to continue writing. And you as a spectator, anticipating what comes next, continue reading it foolishly. I have barely known her, never bothered to spend time knowing her; never had so much time at my disposal. Mannequin has been a doer- Undiluted in her thoughts (she in fact never thinks cause it gets her to reality), square and forward and audacious in her speech. Yet tenacious when it comes to favoring something which is factual. Then why bouillabaisse? I guess it illustrates the assortment and array of bliss and nuisance… condensed enough not to elude her… 2:42 AM - Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentdis iz all zat i need right now!1:47 AM - Tuesday, March 14, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentA different kettle of fishMoment or two, I did not have a clue of how to unbolt my contemplations…but just two keys on my keyboard did the trick (which ones?…read ahead and you will know) Not bad…my keyboard prompts me to key in something more sensible and conversant (aids to link me with my present and my wobbling thoughts) than recklessly do some data entry 24 x 7 whether I am at my work desk or in my humble abode. The protest and an insignificant dose of panic within me is not anything but a virtue in necessity of my bleak chances to gyrate time and oh my God! this Piscean will be going in for a dip amongst different genre of fishes which are clustered as the 30s (bear in mind- this is just an insignificant dose of panic attack and hey! I am not swimming tomorrow and yes I am pretentious enough to wobble in honor) Can’t think of a smiley face right now nor do I feel sad …so a blank look should do good :| Every second counts to all of us…and talking about the two keys on my keyboard which relieved me unlock my views…were SHIFT and F6? I landed up getting an antonym for moment as AGE and I knew and I know how to ‘blot my thoughts without using the ink’ after a long time in fact for the first time this year :) What does stop me right now is my alarm which is prompting me …hey girl!!! if every second counts please get of your cushioned chair and rush for work :| Oh my!! Am I normal or do inanimate objects really communicate!! You ponder while I scoot out of my chair … …tbc… 3:45 PM - Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentmy only audienceThought about Mehrangad …(remember I mentioned that I saw it on the Air India tickets)that’s when I thought that I need to write something apart from what I think about people…take some theme be it some inanimate things or some made up situations. If a localite had to gaze at the fort besides me; how dissimilar would my thoughts be from his/her? I am able to regard two likelihoods right now…one – I know I could only travel back to my school days and unearth my history books, failing wretchedly to get something on Mehrangad and then I would arrive in time and say something as a mode of escapism, ‘this fort has really been a strong structure which swallowed and endured so many wars while my mind might be hammering please don’t ask me who fought against whom or in which year? Apparently, I may lay my hand on the wall and convince the audience (just the localite) that yes it is a sturdy and well-built fort. Second- I could flee into the world of interiors and hues of folklore. Trying to dream with my open eyes royal upholsteries in dark dyes, flags and streamers rousing effortlessly in the cerulean sky stirring a sense of belonging to the soil. I would disappear in stupor with echoes of trumpets, the votes of the ‘prajah’ surrendering theirs physical and mental valor to the highness… The robust porters standing like mannequins as I cross the threshold of the entrance hall of the fort. Just while I pretend to ignore the thought that I am being watched …I get a whiff of strong talisman or is it the fragrance of the incense sticks. None of the two were right. It’s the smell of camphor or called ‘dhup’ used to confine a baby from the evil eye or bad omen. Perhaps it’s the trace of the new inheritor to the throne. This elucidates the fort being so lite up and vibrant. As I inhale a mouthful of fresh air, unexpectedly I fathom a headache and the air is so fouled and contaminated discourtesy of the livestock accompanying my only audience. 10:43 AM - Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentYet mine?Yet mine? Weird yet wonderful was he. Sharp and well expressive while exhibiting his knowledge yet dim-witted and asinine was he. Spoke everything under the sun yet overlooked on what I endured about him. Persistently got me to junctures in times where I sensed he glimpse my reverie yet he favored not to speak I have swindled with my life yet I await a second chapter. I wish to secede for a tad of happiness and appreciation for a small time…to me for a lifetime… 10:41 AM - Wednesday, February 1, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentPhrendzWe both had colored umbrellas almost similar in color. And had you been one of the young adult couple of now-a-days looking at us walk, you both would have said ‘how cute!’ All you could see is neat black school shoes with white socks, smoothly pulled up till the knees, and a water bottle dangling around the neck through a backdrop of the white and dark green uniform and a handkerchief broached to our uniform. You could certainly not see their faces but just hear some chatter and yes the one talking nineteen to the dozen will be me and the other would be the prey (but little were we both aware of it) …the only time you could see us both walk freely was when our respective mothers would stop holding our hands and let us walk ahead when we reached the pavements of the Municipal Library and what an adventure it was to wrestle the umbrella against the breeze and climb the uppermost step while our mothers waited uncomplainingly below holding our school bags (did you forget that they too were engrossed in their talks…and no! I am not a replica of my mother when it comes to talking….I guess it was Kavita’s mom who would be a foil for my mom’s silence). Our day would end by a good bye–tata gesture once my mom and I reach our house gates. This is the first and recurring notion of friendship committed to my memory for years now - Kavita is still in Goa and we hardly meet …whenever we do meet ….we always make it a point to remember our umbrella walks :) This is the easiest, least complicated and yet inadequate definition of friendship I have. Don’t worry! some out of the place and inappropriate ones (of course a few great ones) are yet to follow which get so complicated that you are better of having just umbrella friends and remembering them with the same sincerity and purity :) and yet I call them friends which are good friends and not so good friends :))) 5:43 PM - Monday, January 30, 2006 - comments {0} - post comment |
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